It is rare that abuse survivors speak out and tell their stories. Many survivors are too scared, too ashamed and others too caught up in the cycle of pain and trauma to break the silence. But Roaring Creek resident Jemma Williams found her voice and wants to raise awareness on a form of emotional abuse known as narcissistic abuse. In fact, tomorrow, June 1st is recognized as World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. I spoke with Williams last week and here is her story.
Courtney Weatherburne reporting
30 year old Jemma Williams might seem happy and care free with her big smile and friendly personality.
But she wasn't always this way - she was abused throughout her childhood and her adult life and a part of her healing process is speaking out.
She begins her story talking about what she describes as narcissistic abuse and what she endured for 9 years with her ex-boyfriend.
Jemma Williams, Abuse Survivor
"When it comes to narcissistic abuse they have a cycle that you go through they have the idealization phase whereby the person puts you on a pedestal, they love bomb, they make you feel like you have met your soul mate, this is the perfect guy you have ever met, this is the perfect woman who have ever met. They will take you out on awesome dates, if they own a vehicle, make it even better also they might even write love letters to you, they will do the most amazing things, if it is a guy, they will do the most amazing thing that a guy has never done for you, they put you on a pedestal. Then you have the devalue stage where everything they like about you in the beginning of the relationship, they start to tell you that you need to change certain things, they don't like it, also they criticize you, they belittle you, they even envy your strength so they go deep down into your weaknesses and they have the discard stage whereby they leave you for another person or you leave them because you are so exhausted by the relationship."
All of those stages I went through except because I didn't have any children with the narcissist I was dating so I went through the idealization phase and the devalue stage for nine 5:37 years.
Jemma Williams, Abuse Survivor
"I knew from the start something was wrong and I even told him that you seem fake, I told him you seem fake and he was like why can't you just trust me and the more I doubt myself, the more he showed me he was the perfect person for me, and he was the one so I just gave up if he love me and care about me then why not. And he told me he admired my body, he loved my body, he loved who I was. I was 280 pounds, overweight and he accepted me as I was but when the relationship was over he told me he only dated me because I was overweight and the new supply, meaning the new girlfriend was more a diamond than me, was better than me, was more worthy than me."
Williams says her ex-boyfriend also physically abused her for about 3 years but later on in the relationship the emotional abuse intensified.
Jemma Williams, Abuse Survivor
"We become so physically abusive that I remember I bit his thumb and he started to bleed because he was choking me and I bit his thumb and then when I started to see blood and he saw blood it was like okay this is going too far, we need to do something we need to change."
"The physical abuse part was diminished, we didn't do that anymore because we both sit down and talk about it. The turning point I would say was that because there was no longer physical abuse and that is when it turned into emotional abuse."
"He told me that I am stupid, I am dumb, I am an idiot, I am a burden so he brought down my self esteem."
Williams was sexually abused from age 5 to 14 by her female babysitter, relatives and family friends. She says he would use that trauma against her.
Jemma Williams, Abuse Survivor
"In that relationship I also experienced , he turned my entire story against me, my sexual abuse, he turned it against me and he used that as a weapon, that is why our relationship is garbage, because you got sexually abused, everything was based on my sexual abuse."
After all this, Williams still stayed with her ex-boyfriend. They went to couples' counseling, tried to help each other with their personal issues but nothing worked. But Williams says it was just not that simple to leave.
Jemma Williams, Abuse Survivor
"What I have realized is that co-dependency, I was very co-dependent as well and co-dependent is not love."
"We felt like we needed each other because he used me as an escape and I used him as an escape because his mom was emotionally abusive and he needed to get out of his house so we needed to stick together."
"It was like we were like one person we were not a separate individual."
Courtney Weatherburne:
"So throughout the relationship you could not see yourself leaving him? You could not even consider or contemplate that thought or reality?"
Jemma Williams, Abuse Survivor
"I could have seen myself leaving him but I could not do it because in that relationship he made me feel like I need him, like he is the only one in this world that could ever love me."
But finally about 2 years ago Williams found her strength and left him. She has since been trying to move on and heal through online support groups. Williams says stories like hers need to be told and there needs to be more support for narcissistic abuse survivors.
Jemma Williams, Abuse Survivor
"I realize that there are more victims, more survivors out there who have experienced the same things I have experienced and we are not having any form or support in the court system and also counsellors are not fully aware of this form of abuse."
"So this topic needs to be out there and we need support on the topic."
Williams continues to recover and heal from her various traumatic experiences and encourages others in similar circumstances to seek help.
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